Progress ain't Perfection

I have a wonderful family and friends.

I have a good job.

I have love in my life.

It took a while to realize this.

Feelings are difficult to reconcile. It's rough feeling abandoned or unloved, but somehow days keep flying by, and the only thing to do is keep on your toes, dancing around the mental and emotional disasters. Eventually, sadness and disappointment go away.

The amazing part is that although these emotions suck, having them means that there is excitement in your life. You know that you deserve amazing things that will produce the opposite autoimmune responses: joy and awesomeness.

I should be a millionaire by now, 

...but that has not quite happened.

I guess I'll have to work for it.

Mental things can be overcome. What is worse is not having what you want materially, nor a means to get it.


For example, right now. There are a number of things on my agenda:


1. Start the divorce process

This should not be difficult, however the times my soon-to-be ex has designated to chat about the process haven't worked out. Apparently, in Venezuela the power is cut by Hugo Chavez whenever there is a pertinent question to asked.  Therefore, I cannot seem to catch him over Skype. I figure he could have the foresight to buy a phone card. However, this is not the case.

Anyway, a friend of mine who was a divorce lawyer at one point has volunteered to guide me through the process, with or without the help of my (tentative) ex-husband.

But I guess I can't blame the guy. If I were him, I wouldn't want to lose me either; smart, quick-witted, amazingly attractive women who happen to be the mother of your daughter don't come around often. I guess he should have thought about that before he started believing that hollow words without action constitute honesty.


2. Stay "not fired" at my job

So last week I took a large box and wrote "Free Kittens" on it. Then I put it outside in the parking lot during a snowstorm. Apparently, it wasn't funny to someone.

But really, "Listen Sarah, you are doing a great job here, but the box of kittens was not appropriate for the workplace."
"There were no kittens."
"The box that said 'kittens.'"
"The box also said 'Tupperware.'"

-or-

"Listen Sarah, you are doing a great job here, but the box of kittens was not appropriate for the workplace."
"No kidding. We better call the humane society about that box. While you do that, I am going to pursue my vocation of baby seal clubbing. Didn't you run a background check before you hired me?"

-or-

"Listen Sarah, you are doing a great job here, but the box of kittens was not appropriate for the workplace."
"You think I would put a box of kittens outside during a snowstorm? That's f'd up. You are a sick individual, boss."

I need to keep my job for the benefits and the paychecks. Other than that...


3. Get a home loan

Saving money has never been a talent of mine, and I blame capitalism and the media for that. I love new things, the only catch is after a week, they are no longer new. The only way around that is to buy more new things...and the cycle repeats itself.

In addition, Minnesotans must have two separate wardrobes: arctic winter tundra and sultry summer attires. A main problem for me is that in the middle of summer, I forget why I have sweaters lining my closet and take them all up to the Goodwill. Then, as time passes, it gets cold again and my broke-ass goes to the Goodwill and buys all my sweaters back again.

So although there are plenty of "first time homeowner" programs out there to help with my down-payment, getting the additional funds together is a constant moral battle I fight.


4. Be an entrepreneur

So I have this business plan packaged up and ready to roll, but I lack the funds (see item #3) to start. I figure entrepreneurship could be supplemental income to make my mortgage payments and to buy more frivolous things which add to the contentment of my daughter and myself. Currently, I am considering being published, but any blog member can see that my entries have not been as consistent as they were. There are simply not enough hours in the day.


4. Maintain relationships

A great skill I have developed is keeping the people I love close to me. The caliber of my friends and acquaintances has been increasing. They amaze me. If you put me and my friends into the most boring of places, I guarantee we would have the collective ingenuity to either MacGyver or Rube Goldberg something amazing by the sheer forces of our combined wit. We would be (and are) irreconcilable forces.

5. Find a wonderful man
For goodness sakes! I am (still) a married woman.

Eventually, I want a poker buddy who will sit across the table from me. We shall indicate to one another intuitively when to raise and when to fold our hands, in a metaphorical yet very real sense.